‘What’s The Best That Could Happen’

Many people ask, " how do you do it" "how do you cope with being so ill?" Somedays I honestly don't know how. Something I do know is to BELIEVE!
Focusing on what is the best thing that can happen is better than worrying what's the worst possible thing that can go wrong-because it will haunt you. Fearing the worst will always bring you down. It causes worry. It holds you back. I Always look at life from a positive perspective. As if the glass was half full not half empty. Focusing on the worst case scenario will stop you from enjoying yourself, making decisions and living life- you'll always live in fear. Just because there's an element of risk involved, it doesn't mean you should forget about it the idea; work with it. That's optimism. Being optimistic is like my religion, I look for the best in any situation and expect good things to happen. If they don't I try again another day. Don't get me wrong, I have had very negative days where I wonder if anything will ever work out the way I want it to. Especially being a chronic illness fighter, everything is unpredictable-things get tough and things go wrong; but on those bad days I goto bed and I wake up and say "today will be better" or today's a new day" and I try again. Every optimist sees a silver lining in everything. As if everything is meant to be. I had to drop out of college because I was too unwell, I was gutted at first, but now my mind is already whirling with the countless possibilities ahead of me. Think of optimism as an adventure. You don't know what's round the corner and you don't know what the future will hold until you reach the destination. Some may find this daunting, but think of it as one of life's surprises. Live in the moment, go for it! 'What's the best that could happen?

I’m almost 17.

I’m soon to be 17 and i cant believe it! Most teens crave to be older, but i’m the total opposite… I want to stay 16, just for a couple of years or so. Freeze time to catch up on lost time.

Having a bunch of chronic illnesses have caused me to put my life on hold. While time’s still ticking on, there’s me, sat still while everyone else is running their race of life. Zooming past me, overlapping me. Everyone is ahead of me. I’ve always had these aims in life where I wanted to achieve something by a certain age, at a certain time. For instance, completing a dance exam by 13, getting a job and getting a dance GCSE at 15, auditioning for a dance school at 15-16 and getting into a company at 17-18. None of them happened, and the last one seems impossible because the one before that wasn’t successful. All because of chronic pain and chronic illnesses. I was ready to go for it, work for it. Was I too prepared? Should I have mapped my life out? Everyone has dreams and ambitions, but is everyone strict on the specific time of achieving them? I’m not sure if there is a right or wrong answer, but planning my life out has made me more sad for not achieving the aim. I hate the feeling of everyone being ahead of me, and i can’t do much about it. All my dance friends are getting stronger and more flexible, then there’s me struggling to take a few steps on my granny frame.

Maybe going with the flow is the best way about it. When it’s time, I can press play. Who knows, I may be able to catch up and fast forward to the time in which I am happy and satisfied; achieving everything I have always dreamed of. I can look back and say ‘I did it’.

The Previous admission that turned my life around.

I was in a very bad way. Loosing the little hope I had left. I had no independence. No ‘life’. I just woke up everyday and survived. Getting myself through each and every torturous minute just to get to the next. I couldn’t sit, stand or walk at all. My mum and family had to do everything for me. I basically lived my life lying down flat in a darkened room being confined to my bed for months on end. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel; just total utter darkness. 

No doctor would listen to me about how bad I was getting or realized how seriously unwell I actually was. But on the 4/6/15 I got lucky. That day changed my whole perception of doctors and there attitudes, because this doctor was genuine and totally different to all the rest. He’s my absolute hero. He took one look at me, got on the phone and got me admitted to hospital straight away. He completely made up for all the medical professionals who had let me down badly in the past. From then on, i instantly new the outcome would be good.

After countless tests and investigations I was diagnosed with Postural Orthstatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) a form of dysautonomia, resulting in excessive rise in heart rate, increased norepinephrine in the blood and altered blood flow to the brain causing a cocktail of symptoms. I was finally put on heart medication which thankfully helped before the illness caused more damage to my already broken body. I then began my rehabilitation program when some of the symptoms were tamed. I was very lucky that there were still something to work with. A couple more months later i may have had no chance of even the slightest of recovery. I may have never took a single step ever again. There may have been no Chloe if i was left much longer. But i did, and there is. I was very lucky. Very lucky to find a doctor that truly cared for his patient, her life and her hopes and dreams. These Doctors are rare and very special. He helped me turn my life around and helped me get my life back! I may still be a long way from where I want to be, but i am one step closer than I was yesterday thanks to this one man and his wonderful team.

I can now see the light.