I’m soon to be 17 and i cant believe it! Most teens crave to be older, but i’m the total opposite… I want to stay 16, just for a couple of years or so. Freeze time to catch up on lost time.
Having a bunch of chronic illnesses have caused me to put my life on hold. While time’s still ticking on, there’s me, sat still while everyone else is running their race of life. Zooming past me, overlapping me. Everyone is ahead of me. I’ve always had these aims in life where I wanted to achieve something by a certain age, at a certain time. For instance, completing a dance exam by 13, getting a job and getting a dance GCSE at 15, auditioning for a dance school at 15-16 and getting into a company at 17-18. None of them happened, and the last one seems impossible because the one before that wasn’t successful. All because of chronic pain and chronic illnesses. I was ready to go for it, work for it. Was I too prepared? Should I have mapped my life out? Everyone has dreams and ambitions, but is everyone strict on the specific time of achieving them? I’m not sure if there is a right or wrong answer, but planning my life out has made me more sad for not achieving the aim. I hate the feeling of everyone being ahead of me, and i can’t do much about it. All my dance friends are getting stronger and more flexible, then there’s me struggling to take a few steps on my granny frame.
Maybe going with the flow is the best way about it. When it’s time, I can press play. Who knows, I may be able to catch up and fast forward to the time in which I am happy and satisfied; achieving everything I have always dreamed of. I can look back and say ‘I did it’.