I’m almost 17.

I’m soon to be 17 and i cant believe it! Most teens crave to be older, but i’m the total opposite… I want to stay 16, just for a couple of years or so. Freeze time to catch up on lost time.

Having a bunch of chronic illnesses have caused me to put my life on hold. While time’s still ticking on, there’s me, sat still while everyone else is running their race of life. Zooming past me, overlapping me. Everyone is ahead of me. I’ve always had these aims in life where I wanted to achieve something by a certain age, at a certain time. For instance, completing a dance exam by 13, getting a job and getting a dance GCSE at 15, auditioning for a dance school at 15-16 and getting into a company at 17-18. None of them happened, and the last one seems impossible because the one before that wasn’t successful. All because of chronic pain and chronic illnesses. I was ready to go for it, work for it. Was I too prepared? Should I have mapped my life out? Everyone has dreams and ambitions, but is everyone strict on the specific time of achieving them? I’m not sure if there is a right or wrong answer, but planning my life out has made me more sad for not achieving the aim. I hate the feeling of everyone being ahead of me, and i can’t do much about it. All my dance friends are getting stronger and more flexible, then there’s me struggling to take a few steps on my granny frame.

Maybe going with the flow is the best way about it. When it’s time, I can press play. Who knows, I may be able to catch up and fast forward to the time in which I am happy and satisfied; achieving everything I have always dreamed of. I can look back and say ‘I did it’.

2 thoughts on “I’m almost 17.

  1. Getting used to a “new normal” is really difficult, especially when you’re young! I’ve always, even before many of my diagnoses, had a hard time physically… and it was still hard for me to have to start over! But, I learned that practicing and accepting your limits will get you back to a level you are okay with faster than trying too hard and having to take two weeks to recover. I have difficulties with walking and going up stairs. Right now, I’m doing Pilates, which is making me stronger in a way that doesn’t require walking. January, I was using wheelchairs to do shopping, and now I can go through several stores and go down stairs just fine without aid (going up still sucks sometimes)! It took me six months of dedication at what felt like a snails pace, but it pays off.

    And no, planning out your life isn’t wrong, but you do need to be willing to adjust instead of just give up. I know that dance is one of those things that makes you feel as though you have to be just the right age or shape, but if you want it, you can have it! Slow and steady, and you’ll get there eventually!


  2. I sympathize with this so much. I’m so behind in my life from where I think I should be. I had to drop out of college and move to a new state to better manage my illness. Now I’m moving a apartments because mine has stairs and they’re too challenging for me! I think you’re doing great in life and you seem to have a positive attitude towards it. Live your life as best you can! That’s all us spoonies can do. Take it day by day and hope that the tomorrow will always be better. Always keep fighting.

    Liked by 1 person

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