The battle with my body.

Today’s scores–Body 1- Chloe – 0 today I’ve been defeated,but I’ll never surrender.

My body has let me down big time today. I Had a waste of a physio session and really shocked my therapist with how bad I was (and that wasn’t my absolute worst because I could still twitch my feet!) I Couldn’t stand at all, even with two Physios taking most my weight. I just flopped and almost threw up because of the intensity of pain. I had to accept that today wasnt going to go my way no matter how hard I tried-Body said no and I couldn’t change that. Everything is sooo unbelievably weak… And these episodes are getting more often now which is annoying because I have come so far rehabilitation wise. Having frequent allergic reactions isn’t helping much either. It’s driving me mad, and it’s pretty hard to stay cool, calm and collected in those kind of situations!! Hopefully these new steroids and stronger antihistamines do the trick until I can get an appointment for emergency allergy testing. Two health pros are thinking Mast Cell activation, but I’ll have to wait and see! #autoimmunesucks #allergicreaction #chronicpain 

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Baby Steps.

The smallest of achievements are the best accomplishments. Physio KILLED me this week. Oh. my .god. I feel horrendous but it’ll be worth it in the long run…I did good though- I pushed myself hard (maybe too much) but I walked 4 lengths on the parallel bars and that is ALOT for me! It wasn’t exactly smooth, a lot of jolts, swaying everywhere, almost passed out and Lotsss of pain, but I managed it. The most I’ve walked in 5 months!! Balance is not quite there yet, and my coordination is soooo bad!! (it’s actually shocking, especially for a dancer!!) but I’m putting more weight through my legs which is a good sign, and not relying on my arms so much anymore to take my weight. Of course that achievement was on a somewhat ‘good’ day, my body doesn’t allow me to do that everyday because of random bouts of paralysis, flares and general weakness (how inappropriate!). But it happened once, and even if I have a dodgy couple of days or weeks of not being able to walk, I know I can get back up, fight and accomplish it again when my body’s ready!! Such a great feeling. But seriously, can I have a body transplant or something please, and preferably one with no pain receptors.. 
This achievement maybe small, but it’s a huge victory. It may not mean anything to healthy people. Although not intentionally,they take things for granted. Why? They haven’t lost the things chronically Ill people have. Whether it’s migrating from the bed to the sofa or having a shower and sitting up for a while, they’re all small accomplishments, but enormous victories!!