Chloe’s Chronicals Of Chronic Illness-My HPV Vaccine Injuy

Hello everyone! For those who do not know me, I’m an 18 year old girl who has a bundle of debilitating chronic conditions after being injured by the HPV vaccine. October 2016 I died and came back to life due to the severity of my damaged ANS-I was resuscitated and put on life support until my internal organs recovered and until I could breathe without a ventilator. 
The onset of symptoms noticeably came after my second out of three injections.
Before I got sick I did many things girls age 12 should do. I hiked, mountain biked, went to the park, rollerbladed to the shops, had social gatherings, went to the cinema, birthday parties, I had friends.
I was a dancer. And I think that speaks for itself. I had an artistic, busy and athletic lifestyle. I danced 6 days a week; at at the studio, at school and I also stretched and worked on technique religiously at home. I loved to goto after-school sport and dance clubs every night. I loved the fact that I had a regime and something to look forward to every day. I was on the right road to getting A’s at GCSE.I lived life to the max, life has always been important to me, more so now I’m isolated from the real world. I danced to feel free, in control and to have the time of my life. I used my body to create a piece of art. I made memories which I now use as a coping mechanism and a tool to guide me and help me deal with a life full of disappointment, hardship, illness and pain. 
I wanted to have a dance career; my heart bleeds with the torture knowing I may never walk again, let alone dance again. 
I love art and fashion so I went into fashion design but my conditions took a downward spiral, I didn’t even get a quarter way through the course. 
Everyday is a battle against the never ending symptoms-against pain, random and exhausting fits, mast cell reactions, the agony when meds, feed and water is pushed down my tube. Then there’s the war with the invisible aspects people don’t see: the nausea, migraines, vision problems, light and noise sensitivity, the multiple injection wounds from injecting daily to reduce blood clots. You don’t see the paralysed stomach or delayed motility of my GI tract, the raw inflammation and ulceration in my colon, the over active nerve endings, blocked signals in my brain and spinal cord, and of course the intense chronic pain that you don’t always see in public because of the ‘stay brave and cry later face’. It’s all hidden until you tell the world your story.
The adverse reaction to the vaccine and the conditions I have developed over the years has had a huge impact on my life. Now my life is complicated, and that’s not because I’m in a complex relationship like others my age. But because my future is uncertain. Tomorrow is another day but I never know what tomorrow or even the next hour will bring; I can’t predict the future and I can’t plan ahead. I don’t know if I’ll be able to have kids as I know many 18 year olds who are infertile thanks to Cervarix or Gardasil.
I may have a broken body which persistently disobeys me, however I am lucky enough to be a mentally strong individual who’s managed to build up her own coping mechanisms and psychological techniques despite negligence and terrible past experiences. Despite hardship I find happiness. Despite pain I find inner peace. Mindfulness may help others in my situation, and yes it will keep the demons of depression and anxious thoughts away. However, no amount of mindfulness and positivity will change the immense pain I endure and magic the mobility and loss of sensation back into my once healthy, sporty, dancing body of mine.
I guarantee my future won’t be how I planned it, but it will be full of determination and dedication to continue raising much needed awareness. 
“A successful person is a person that can build a firm foundation with the bricks that life has thrown at them”~Chloe✨

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