“I’m Sick. And It Sickens Me…” 

Im not only sick of being sick…

I’m sick of being called “anti vax”, when I’m not and never clarified that I am (although I should be!) Im sick of people who don’t care to acknowledge or understand the truth. I’m not just trying to find something to blame my conditions on. This is REAL. It sickens me that people would think that!

I inject myself everyday as a part of a routine to keep me alive. “Anti vaxxers” don’t inject anything or have any type of needle in them which provides medication or inoculation at all (unless 100% proven to not cause adverse reactions or have any reported side effects) which is basically next to nothing.. they use natural remedies to heal.

–Refer to my previous blog post for my full story–

For those who want evidence, although I shouldn’t need to explain myself, I will. I will battle for answers. I will go privately to get multiple tests done within Europe (and maybe the USA) and I WILL get my own proof in my hands other than the NHS’; but that is for the benefit of myself, nobody else. Then I will fight for the treatment I desperately need and deserve. It won’t be easy, but I will. 
My main aim {based on the topic of HPV vaccineinjury} is to write to many health authorities along with pharmaceutical companies and the vaccine manufacturers and plea for much needed research for those injured; and to prevent more of our adolescents getting hurt by this not-so-necessary inoculation. I want to do my own case study. 
Could it be a certain GENE, CELL or BLOOD TYPE?

–That’s what I and the rest of the world want to know!–


Join me in spreading awareness and help get our voices heard🗣 if you’re injured by Cervarix or Gardasil or know some who is, please comment..

– your full name.

-the country you live in.

-your age: when you got the vaccine & your age now

– write a brief summary of your symptoms, conditions & mobility status.

-are you mild moderate or severely affected. 

Thank you in advance, Chloe🌸

From The Start- What Really Happened?- My Vaccine Injury Journey. 

Here is some in depth information which was written for an email interview regarding what happened to me after I had the HPV vaccination. It’s long winded but I’m hoping it will answer many questions. 
*When did you have the injections (date and what age)? What school were you at? How many did you have?*

-I was given the cervarix vaccine at the age of 12 (in year 8) at Pittville School, Cheltenham. My First injection was given November 2010, second at the end of January 2011 and the third and the end of June 2011.

            *When did you first start experiencing symptoms? What were they? How did you feel?*

-I started experiencing/ noticing symptoms by the second injection within a week. My immune system hit rock bottom. I had virus after virus-blood tests proved I had EBV/glandular fever in my system 2 weeks ago (which was straight after the vaccine) but I no longer had it active in my body. Everything happened back to back without a break. I had a bout of a rare virus effecting the skin; called rositis rosia, tonsillitis, and I developed a axillary abscess after months of thinking it’s a swollen lymph node (in the breast area) due to menstrual cycles which became heavy, painful and irregular (before they stopped completely in 2014) after the second vaccine; but in fact it was an infected node which required surgery to remove it and all infected tissue across my chest- resulting in daily dressing changes, packing of the wound and treating ugly granulation tissue for 8 weeks before it became twice weekly. I had an abscess in the nether regions. I also had leaky nipples, swollen ovaries with adhesions, on going pelvic infections because of a collection of infected pussey and bloody fluid leaking into my pelvis from the ovaries. My insides felt like they were going to fall out every time I stood up. I struggled with the stairs. I was breathless. I also had an infection of my knee cartilage and build up of infected fluid behind the patella. I didn’t feel well in myself at all.

After the last vaccine in June’11 when the summer holidays were over I went back to school and began my 3rd year, year 9. I began to feel incredibly lethargic and fatigued. It started to heavily affect my school and social life. I used to fall asleep in lessons no matter how hard I concentrated. I’d go home and get straight into bed with my uniform on, and despite sleeping up to 15 hours a day the heavy weight of never ending exhaustion never went away. I had a gradual input of debilitating muscular pain, slight chest pain and dizziness, poor temperature control, and severe headaches. I was officially diagnosed with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) in February 2012 after being informally diagnosed in October 2011. Emotionally I felt afraid and alone at first as I had no idea what my body was doing to me. I felt as if life was punishing me for something I hadn’t done. The diagnosis of ME fit my symptoms perfectly after excluding sincere conditions. Unfortunately it didn’t stop there! 

*How did these progress? At what point where you admitted to hospital?* 

-The symptoms continued to progress and I began experiencing daily chronic pain and chronic conditions (chronic meaning persistent and life long) in every area of my body including: musculoskeletal pain, bone pain, joint pain and joint swelling, nerve pain; hyperalgesia (sensitivity when touched), allodynia, paraesthesia-tingling, burning, stabbing, itching and numbness, trigger points, migraines lasting 7-14 days at a time causing eye pressure pain, sensitivity to light, black dots, flashes of light, blurred and double vision. I used to describe it as having frozen bones all over my body which thaw too quickly (as if you put your hands into snow and experience the sharp burning pain when they heat up too fast) along with electric barbed wire wrapped around my muscles, hot liquid running through my veins and as if your worst enemy has your voodoo doll-poking and prodding it when you least expect it- this was before I deteriorated and gained more chronic autoimmune and autonomic diseases. 
Throughout the end of year 8/ year 9 I began to experience paralysis episodes. I used to collapse from the waste down because my legs would loose the ability to function normally. It’s hard to explain and get your head around because my legs were completely paralysed, I couldn’t control them no matter how hard I focused, but they would be incredibly painful and hypersensitive! I experienced numbness, tingling and burning sensations- it would happen randomly without warning. It happened in, to and from lessons; more so when I over exerted myself. At first it was mild and only happened occasionally and only lasting 10 minutes to half an hour, but as the months went on it occurred more and got more aggressive. It could happen every day up to twice a day, then it lasted 72 hours, a week, then months. It was constant for 7 months, now it’s been constant for years since December 2014. Once A medic forcefully swung my floppy, heavy, lifeless limbs off the edge of an A&E trolley during one of my first full body paralysis episodes while also having an allergic reaction to penicillin which I was apparently faking. I was scared, in pain and terrified at the thought that it would never end, yet his attitude was incredibly inappropriate and he got away with it. We vaccine injured girls have to put up with so much abuse and neglect.Due to further damage to the autonomic nervous system (ANS) I began to suffer with urology issues such as bladder pain, bladder retention, loss of control tightening and contracting of the urethra and other complications. I was admitted to hospital a handful of times because of my bladder alone. I needed to be emergency catheterised to release 24-48 hours of urine, because it happened often I learnt to self catheterise-now because I have poor, nearly no bladder function, I ‘self cath’ up to 10 times a day.  

Not long after my bladder I also immensely struggled with Gastrointestinal issues. Although I had been symptomatic and struggling since year 9, stomach and bowel difficulties began to rapidly decline in September/October 2015. I began to feel full and was in agony after eating small amounts of food-It began with half a plate and ended with me only being able eat a couple of forced mouthfuls. I’d feel severely nauseated after ingesting any type of food and I’d vomit it up between 5 minutes to 6 hours after because I was either force feeding myself to stay alive and would instantly puke, or I’d be feeling unwell with my stomach churning and stabbing pain for hours due to slow gastric emptying, I’d then vomit because my stomach is incapable of digesting. I stuck to a liquid diet but that then become incapable too keep down too. I miss my food, I was a massive ‘foodie’.

May 2015 we had to pay for a private consultation with a cardiologist due to an 8-10 month waiting list on the NHS. I was then directly admitted to Bristol heart institute mostly due to rapid deterioration, weight loss, high heart rate, palpitations and a general unwell feeling. This was when I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. POTS is one of the syndromes under the dysautomnia umbrella. It’s an abnormality of the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system is in charge of all bodily functions that we don’t have to think about, such as: Heart rate and blood pressure regulation. Digestion and Bladder control. Other symptoms include;blurred and double vision. chest pain and palpations, tinnitus ,head pressure pains, blood pooling and poor circulation. –When a healthy person stands up, blood vessels contract and heart rate increases slightly to maintain blood supply to heart and brain. –What happens when I have PoTS and stand up?– In POTS, this automatic adjustment to upright posture is not working correctly, resulting in an excessive rise in heart rate, increased norepinephrine in the blood and altered blood flow to the brain causing a cocktail of symptoms.”POTS patients have reported to suffer from a degree of functional impairment similar to that seen in conditions such as COPD and congestive heart failure”-Mayo clinic.

I tried medication and found a combination of beta blockers and low dose steroids that helped, I then began to feel my feet and built myself up to walking with a frame- unfortunately it didn’t last long. August 2015 around my 17th birthday I pushed myself beyond my limits to maintain a better situation of health, but I heartbreakingly had zero control. I constantly fell to the floor due to paralysis coming back and I’d repeatedly faint when I stood up. From then on it has been a utter disaster…Due to the combination of gastric, cardiovascular, severe POTS and the deterioration of my ME symptoms I was left to rot. I became skin and bones due to lack of local knowledge, understanding and basic care. I was in a very bad way. Loosing the little hope I had left. I had no independence. No ‘life’. I just woke up everyday and survived. Getting myself through each and every torturous minute just to get to the next. I couldn’t sit, stand or walk at all. My mum and family had to do everything for me. I basically lived my life lying down flat in a darkened room being confined to my bed for months on end. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel; just total utter darkness. 

No doctor would listen to me about how bad I was getting or realized how seriously unwell I actually was. Nobody would take me because I’m not a textbook case. I’m so complex 4 hospitals turned me down. If it weren’t for my wonderful GP for calling the ambulance that day, for taking me seriously and understanding the desperate and critical state I was in. I would’ve been dead. After my ECG at my local I was blue lighted to Bristol heart institute where my cardiologist freed a side room and sat there awaiting my arrival. It all happened so quickly. Safe to say that he was stunned at how sick I actually was. It was shocking and concerning having to hear the true reason why my heart and body is the way it is. If it weren’t for my cardiologist I wouldn’t have been here to tell my story today. During that 7 week admission I was diagnosed with Severe Gastroparesis. Gastroparesis means ‘stomach paralysis’. It is a condition which results in extreme weakness of the stomach muscles- food can not empty from the stomach to the small intestine normally. In severe cases, Gastroparesis can completely paralyse the stomach and can cause partial if not full paralysis from the oesophagus to the anus. The primary symptoms are nausea, vomiting and abdominal pain. Other symptoms of gastroparesis include bloating, abdominal distension, early satiety (feeling full quickly when eating) and weight loss and deficiencies due to malabsorption of nutrients. 
My POTS and Gastroparesis was so bad that my heart shrunk and weakened because it was working so hard to cope with my crazy heart rate at 210bpm, I was severely internally dehydrated; my organs had to work 5 times as hard to do their jobs. I was extremely malnourished weighing 33kg; all the sodium, magnesium, potassium and many vitamins were stripped from my body-it was a miracle I was alive and or not brain dead (I already struggled with my speech and was unable to hold a conversation). I was “the living dead” my doctor stated. Within 10 minutes of arrival I had an NG feeding tube in and IV access within 5 days I was no longer in a critical situation.
 Thanks to the Gastroparesis I couldn’t hold down the feed which doctors were giving me to “force my stomach to work” I clearly had to prove to them I wasn’t anorexic. So after vomiting up 3 NG’s I had an NJ tube placed (it goes through your nose, and bypasses the stomach and sits in the small bowel). For 3 weeks my body rejected both the feed and the tubes but finally on the 5 week I was stable and beginning to put on weight. Due to my cardiologist almost loosing his job and loosing the ability to admit POTS patients anymore because of lack of funding for conditions (apart from heart failure) that you can’t fix…I had to go else where. I was not well enough for home. So that’s when I was transferred to UCLH in the centre of London.I had been in UCLH for 11 months due to the severity of my conditions stemming from the vaccine injury. Im bed bound, paralysed from the waste down, my hands often paralyse too. I’m tube dependant- I have one tube for feeding and one for bile drainage to prevent vomiting and help with nausea. I have a paralysed gut and can’t swallow, I’ve have had two severe bouts of a rare type of IBD called Eosinophilic colitis, I’m on 24hours of IV fluids with glucose which goes through my Central line directly to my heart. I’ve had 8 NG tubes 7 NJ’s, 48 cannulas , 3 PICC lines, 11 endoscopic procedures, 3 attempts of an PEGJ insertion, 4 MRIs, 6 ultrasounds and 1 bone density scan in this hospital stay alone. During this admission I’ve had the 5 year anniversary of being “noticeably sick” in October 2016, and its 6 years since the second vaccine caused noticeable side affects in January 2017. 

I thought I was done with near death experiences until I had my second one on the one occasion where I thought I was giving myself a better quality of life with a PEGJ tube insertion so I could take both tubes from my nose. Unfortunately it went catastrophically wrong. During the operation little did I know that I vomited into my lungs because of my stomachs inability to stop producing bile. Therefore my oxygen flatlined, my heart stopped and I had no choice but to be sedated, intubated and put on a ventilator to suction the vomit, to help me breathe, and help myself and my internal organs recover. The doctors and my family didn’t know how or if I’d wake up. I died and I came back to life. You read of all these stories of tragic things happening to others, but I never thought something like this would happen to myself. I want to let the world know. 
*Did you have any idea what had caused it? When did you start to think it could be the HPV vaccine?*

-At first, myself and my family didn’t put two and two together. But I defiantly thought something wasn’t right. At the time we thought the vaccine was safe because they give it in schools and on the letter the parents were given to sign consent I remember reading “it saves lives” so who on earth would turn a new, supposedly effective form of treatment down? We trust our government and health care to keep us safe, but now, since getting sick from something the NHS gave me I don’t trust any med professionals that I don’t know. Why? Because I’ve been treated in such a barbaric way. Its been hell on earth. 

I was completely fine before the vaccinations, then it escalated quickly. I knew for sure ever since I came across a post on social media at the end of 2012, ever since i saw it in our local newspaper and my grandparents sent it me and said “that’s you in words”, I was sure ever since I discussed it with my doctor and found medical links to research. I knew ever since I met two girls similar to me in the bed next to me in the hospital and you know 1000’s through Instagram; I immediately saw the connection. Then when you research it, watch worldwide documentary’s, see everyone else suffering, see information and emails from the European Medical Authorities leak out via the web, then the next day they’ve been wiped off the face of the earth, you begin to understand that something is not right. I had high amounts of unwanted metal, high eoniesphillia, antigens, antibodies and chemical reactions/changes in my blood. Which were never there before in routine blood tests. 
*What were you doing before having the injections? What were your ambitions? What is your life like now?*
-Before I got sick I did many things girls age 12 should do. I hiked, mountain biked, went to the park, rollerbladed to the shops, had social gatherings, went to the cinema, birthday parties, I had friends.
I was a dancer. And I think that speaks for itself. I had an artistic, busy and athletic lifestyle. I danced 6 days a week; at Danceworks studios, at school and I also stretched and worked on technique religiously at home. I loved to goto after-school sport and dance clubs every night. I loved the fact that I had a regime and something to look forward to every day. I was on the right road to getting A’s at GCSE.I lived life to the max, life has always been important to me, more so now I’m isolated from the real world. I danced to feel free, in control and to have the time of my life. I used my body to create a piece of art. I made memories which I now use as a coping mechanism and a tool to guide me and help me deal with a life full of disappointment, hardship, illness and pain. 

I wanted to have a dance career; my heart bleeds with the torture knowing I may never walk again, therefore ever dance again. I love art and fashion so I went into fashion design but my conditions took a downward spiral, I didn’t even get a quarter way through the course. 

Everyday is a battle against the never ending symptoms-against pain, random and exhausting fits, mast cell reactions, the agony when meds, feed and water is pushed down my tube. Then there’s the war with the invisible aspects people don’t see: the nausea, migraines, vision problems, light and noise sensitivity, the multiple injection wounds from injecting daily to reduce blood clots. You don’t see the paralysed stomach or delayed motility of my GI tract, the raw inflammation and ulceration in my colon, the over active nerve endings, blocked signals in my brain and spinal cord, and of course the intense chronic pain that you don’t always see in public because of the ‘stay brave and cry later face’. It’s all hidden until you tell the world your story.
*Why do you think it is down to the jab? Has anyone ever said this to you (doctors, experts)?*
-I don’t think that getting sick after a vaccine that is now pumping around our bodies is ‘just a coincidence’ as those who don’t want to believe it say…
The facts I’m 100% certain on, with my own research as well as doctors words is that the vaccine has channeled an autoimmune response which has made my own cells attack against my own body, with chemical changes happening in the endocrine systems and metal poisoning in my bloodstream. On a government level The WHO (world health organisation) has officially documented a signal for POTS and Gastroparesis (and other motility disorders) for being a typical adverse reaction to the vaccine in the ‘collaborating centre for international drug safety’.

My doctor wrote, signed and filled an official report which states that I’m vaccine injured and it should be recognized. It’s now in my notes as causation NOT correlation. 

The problem is, is no matter if the vaccine damaged me or not, doctors often focus on the individual symptoms and are reluctant to find, treat or reverse the root cause / trigger which angers me. As I believe it’s crucial to identify the cause so that more awareness, acknowledgment and treatment can be sourced. Equally, no matter how many doctors say “you’re vaccine injured” they’re reluctant to put it in writing due to the fear of them loosing their jobs or license to practice. It’s one big cover up which time will only reveal.

*What impact has this had on you? How do you feel about the future?*
-Now my life is complicated, and that’s not because I’m in a complex relationship like others my age. But because my future is uncertain. Tomorrow is another day but I never know what tomorrow or even the next hour will bring; I can’t predict the future and I can’t plan ahead. I don’t know if I’ll be able to have kids as I know many 18 year olds who are infertile thanks to Cervarix or Gardasil.
I may have a broken body which persistently disobeys me, however I am lucky enough to be a mentally strong individual who’s managed to build up her own coping mechanisms and psychological techniques despite negligence and terrible past experiences. Despite hardship I find happiness. Despite pain I find inner peace. Mindfulness may help others in my situation, and yes it will keep the demons of depression and anxious thoughts away. However, no amount of mindfulness and positivity will change the immense pain I endure and magic the mobility and loss of sensation back into my once healthy, sporty, dancing body of mine.
I believe conventional medicine is the only way forward to enable those injured and unwell to live, not just survive within the near future. 

I guarantee my future won’t be how I planned it, but it will be full of determination and dedication to continue raising much needed awareness. *Why do you want to raise awareness about the jab? What would you say to other girls/parents thinking of getting the jab?*

-To all mums, dads and daughters out there who are considering getting the vaccine.
Don’t presume, do research and educate before you sign on the dotted line. The vaccine only lasts 3-5years and doesn’t protect you against all the strains of cervical cancer. Some teens and now adults have been diagnosed with cervical cancer despite the vaccine. The Dutch and Danish authorities, Spain, Japan and other countries are aware of the damage so its no longer a part of the ‘child vaccination program’, therefore no longer given in schools. Gov.uk provide a £120,000 payout under the “vaccine injury and damage” act. I’m eligible, however I will not be able to have or seek being its for the rest of my life nor have prescriptions paid for. That amount of money wouldn’t even cover me for 10 months, let alone a lifetime! Do you think the government would have Thad option of it weren’t real!?

Unfortunately it’s not rare, but I’m not here to scare…

However, Some statistics are so shocking and eye-opening (which I will explain more in my next status). 

I’m not “anti-vax” or a “scaremongerer” I just care about others. This is real. This is the pure ugly truth. I want to make people aware so they can make a decision for themselves.

Vaccine injury-It’s not “one in a million” 

Being vaccine injured and speaking about it publicly not a lot of people believe, they think it’s incredibly rare, and they want proof. I’m constantly told “it must be one in a million” and “it’s a coincidence”; it’s definitely not, in fact it’s not even one in one thousand- it’s approximately 105 people who are severely unwell per 1000 injected, I will show you why…

Unfortunately there are not many accrete statistics from the UK to present to people who don’t believe how many are injured by the HPV vaccine. So here below is a recent Aluminium poisoning vaccine review, plus the USA vaccination case study (which is said to have its information collected after 2 years of Gardasil 9 existing). It provides the public with a statistical insight; proving that a mass amount of teens get injured by Gardasil- in this text it is referred and compared to an unbelievably small percentage per 100,000 cervical cancer cases.
The Source: http://vaccineimpact.com/2014/stronger-more-toxic-gardasil-vaccine-approved-by-fda-will-more-girls-suffer-and-die/ 
“For the first time, Merck (the manufacturer) has disclosed what may indeed be close to the true rate of serious adverse events people are suffering after the use of Gardasil and will probably continue to suffer if they consent to using (the “new” and “improved”) Gardasil 9. The only difference would be that the rates may be higher when used in the general population (instead of a monitored study) because certain ‘at-risk’ groups are excluded from this small clinical trial participation but not from vaccination programs.” Child vaccination programs take place across the globe-each country have there own rules and regulations, for example: the US give 3 ‘shots’ in one whereas the UK gives 3 over the course of 6 months. US citizens are more likely to be injured due to the ‘shot’ volume (which is triple the UK’s recommended dose.) Therefore, taking that into consideration the rate of those vaccine injured outside of this trial is likely to be significantly higher; especially if a specific state or country labels the HPV vaccine as mandatory. 
–Here is the main case study criteria word for word from the article which is backed up by statistics and table diagrams–
“2.3-2.5% (of severe adverse reactions) doesn’t sound that bad until you compare apples to apples. Cervical cancer rates are always quoted as # per 100,000. Given the above information {from the source}, for every 100,000 people using Gardasil 9 there would be 2,300+ serious adverse events. The cervical cancer diagnosis rate in the United States is 7.9/100,000.

What health official in their right mind is willing to anticipate 2,300 serious adverse events to try and prevent 7.9 cases of cervical cancer?”
Then “In addition to the serious adverse events, you now have (at least) an additional 2,400 people who will be left with systemic autoimmune disorders. How can any health official possibly think Gardasil 9 is worth this kind of risk?”
Here’s Both Gardasil & Gardasil 9 (commonly used HPV vaccinations world wide) statistics combined-
Severe adverse events…

Number of shots given:

Gardasil-13,234 +

Gardasil 9-7,378 

=20,612 in total.

Percentage & number of Serious reactions/events:

|2.3% |305 +

|2.5% |185 

=490
For 20,612 people in the controlled case study with Gardasil and Gardasil 9 combined 4.8% (490 people) got incredibly severe/fatal reactions. 

Therefore, for every 100,000 injected an estimated 4,800 people have severe reactions to prevent ONLY >>7.9 out of 100,000<< cases of cervical cancer!
Autoimmune Disorders…

Number of shots given:

Gardasil 13,234 +

Gardasil 9 7,378 

=20,612 in total.

Percentage & number of autoimmune disorders 

|2.4% =321 +

|3.3% =240

=561
For 20,612 people in the controlled case study with Gardasil and Gardasil 9 combined 5.7% (561 people) got life long autoimmune disorders.
Therefore for every 100,000 injected 5,700 people get severely sick with systemic/autoimmune diseases to prevent >>7.9 out of 100,000<< cases of cervical cancer. 
Overall, in calculation (4.8%+5.7%= 10.5%) of (490+561=) 1,051 people got majorly SEVERELY affected out of 20,612 people who got injected in this particular study. Therefore, per every 100,000 injected 10,500 people can get severely sick from both Gardasil or Gardasil 9. Furthermore, to conclude, thousands will have poor quality of lives to prevent or protect ONLY 7.9 out of 100,000 cases of cervical cancer- which is shocking. In theory, that’s basically HALF of the TOTAL people vaccinated (20,612) within this american scientifically controlled case study. 
Imagine if these case studies would of taken place in every single country across the world!
The aluminium levels that hide within the product which inoculates our future generation of adolescents is a story in itself. View the source link to see the toxic levels within the vaccine which is printed on the product insert; the insert which is restricted to be seen by parents and the public.
Are these statistics worth the risk?   

I know my answer. What’s yours! 

There’s no hospital without a bit of hell! 

I did good to stay out of hospital for almost 6 weeks after being in for an entire year. I’m at my local hospital unfortunately but hopefully I’ll be out soon!
Staying out of hospital is like trying to thread a thin needle with a big piece of thread blindly. Basically an absolute nightmare. You think you’ve got it in, then you haven’t. There’s that uncertainty of “will I thread this needle today, or will I miss and not bother?” Hit or miss! In a creative way, that’s what trying to stay out of hospital is (to me) when you live with a long term, unpredictable list of illnesses from a constantly controversial vaccine. You’re sick every day but there’s always times when you need urgent medical attention. I should’ve rung an ambulance 12+ times in the last couple of weeks for firstly a sepsis precaution protocol (I had a temp and a blotchy rash on my chest which came and went), then secondly because I’ve been growing an unusual bug in my urine I was ‘attempting’ to try multiple antibiotics via my Jejunostomy (bearing in mind I’ve developed severe hypersensitivity’s to oral antibiotics and paracetamol {which go directly into my bowel} a year ago but I’ve never needed anything other that Trimethoprim to solve the problem-which I’m thankfully fine with!) Annoyingly I had EXTREME reactions to the antibiotics which are needed to get rid of the bug, meaning back to back (my normal) mast cell reactions and major side effects including instant paralysis of my left arm traveling across my chest along the collar bone, intense chest pain on top of my POTS, I didn’t know who or where I was, my eyes were fixed then rolling, I was high as a kite vomiting, trembling, the celling and walls were caving in and I was hallucinating for 5 hours straight seeing mostly lizards😂It’s funny now, but it definitely wasn’t at the time. As we always do, if it’s something mum and me can control we wait it out-so s that’s what we did. I was getting worse {infection wise} so I tried it in crushed tablets which did virtually the same thing. I then had a completely different antibiotic in a different family; third time lucky…which did the bloody same! I had enough and I was deteriorating more and more, so after those episodes past and the doctors had no other options and were completely baffled, even more baffled at the fact that I said “I’m fine with IV’s!” So unfortunately the only option was to have a strong course of IV cipormycin (generic name: gentamicin) in hospital because it’s too much responsibility for the district nurses. 
A story in itself, the ambulance came took me to the local (hospital, not the pub!) taking all of my medical equipment because I know they wouldn’t put up IV fluids straight away let alone my connect my ‘special’ compounded fluids to my central line (nobody in a&e and the ward know what to do with it AND nobody is trained to simply mix and put up my feed because they’ve “never had a patient like this before” B.S they’re all to lazy but blaming it on my ‘complexity’. We warned everyone of my seizures (had one within 15 minutes of arriving) etc. plus my entire medical history then (I kid you not) the doctor, nurses and sister of the ward looked at each-other and said “mum, would you like to stay?” because I’m to much of a responsibility and liability. They’re lovely enough, but they all freaked out. They’ve done nothing apart from hang an IV and leaving my mum to do the rest instead of put your feet up, and rest! Now I’m in a side room it hardly feels like I’m in hospital at all apart from the grubby interior and smell of hospital food. I just don’t know why they don’t want to challenge themselves when day in day out they witness the same shenanigans on the urology ward? I’d jump at the chance to try something new! Anyways…Moving on!
Of course, after you have had a smooth ambulance journey with lovely paramedics who really understood my situation, allowing me to have entanox to make me comfortable, not wanting to leave because they would love to learn more about my conditions and also meeting a lovely nurse (who’s friend is injured by the vaccine for HPV) upon arrival-something has to go wrong; somebody has to destroy an easy admission requested by my GP as urgent and important. A junior doctor {who looked about 17} was sent to me with the registrar knowing that he has not got the experience nor knowledge to talk to me, let alone examine and consult someone of my ‘complexity’. I thought a first A&E/hospital admission with my tubes and central line would be straight forward, but I guess not. I was told it wasn’t an emergency and he doesn’t understand why I’m here and thought it was wrong (for someone higher than him) to phone an ambulance to get me urgent medical attention and tests because I have signs of sepsis and needed to get rid of an infection intravenously which was all written on the admission form. We ask “what’s your sepsis protocol”.. “oh, we don’t have one… plus you don’t have sepsis you bloods fine… why are you here *smerk*” 1-what kind of HOSPITAL doesn’t have a protocol for the silent killer of sepsis or septicaemia and 2- I was told to call 999 immediately if I had a rash on my chest, fever of 38+ , vomiting and feeling extra unwell in myself. I had them all on and off for 3 days and was really out of it on Tuesday morning, I never ask my mum to ring someone unless I’m bad, so she rang the doctors and he came out straight away and called an ambulance. My GP and I don’t want me to end up in ICU again with sepsis so it’s best to be safe than sorry. You can’t take a chance on life. Anything can happen I’ve learnt that! Then the idiot who lost his bedside manner started quizzing me about my tubes and my line. “Why do you have tubes” -I have Gastroparesis. “But I don’t get it, why can’t you swallow, does it just hurt to swallow is that why you can’t?” -no my esophagus is paralysed; even if I could my stomach wouldn’t take it. “Why don’t you try” “why do you have a central line, you don’t need it” “why don’t you have the water down your jejunum then?” “What’s the difference between IV fluids and water”- I have calories, sodium and glucose + everything else that I need in it. It went on for EVER. I answered each question scientifically on point and he hated my replies and the questions I asked him😂. I literally had 20 questions fired at me when the rest of my medical history has nothing to do with him, apart from my over all health which is infection-suspected borderline sepsis. He told me, without looking at me or mum In the eyes, ” I’m not convinced, it’s ridiculous that you’re here, I’m just not convinced that the medication is going to make you better. You’re conditions are chronic, not acute. The hospital is not the place for you. I won’t be giving you antibiotics; but you can see the consultant if you don’t believe me” I saw the consultant and she listened and understood relatively well and when she said “you’ve got a temp of 38.9 I’m going to admit you, you need the medicine asap!” The junior shook his head and walked off. 
After explaining my entire life story on the ward I got the gentamicin and having another tonight and maybe tomorrow. I forgot how strong that stuff is. Plus it’s true, they haven’t got a protocol for sepsis!!! How insane. They’re not even taking cultures from my line or giving me a chest X-ray or ultrasound.; standard procedures…NHS cutbacks I guess. So we’re hoping that if the bugs reached my line it will kill every thing but me!!

I hope I get out this hell hole fast.

Today Isn’t Just Pancake Day- It’s ‘Rare Disease Awareness Day’

February 28th was “Rare Disease Day”. I have many rare conditions, but to be quite honest they’re not rare at all (bar one); just unknown to the world due to lack of awareness or poor public willingness to believe that they’re actually real. Therefore myself and my conditions have barely any acknowledgement nor understanding. 
Firstly I am Vaccine injured. Yes, injured by a vaccine. I had an adverse reaction to the HPV vaccine for cervical cancer and I’m not afraid to admit it. The small majority of the world will never believe, nor entertain the idea of that vaccine being the predominant cause of all of my debilitating, life altering, sometimes fatal diseases. Sadly it’s the pure, raw and alarming truth. It’s reality, my reality, and my everyday life. I will unfortunately forever be scrutinised, penalised, hated and get a huge amount of backlash for saying it how it is. Vaccine damage is happening, and people should never hide their story because they’re afraid of what people think.
Secondly, I have developed what I call ‘secondary effects’ from the vaccine causation in form of many severe diseases. Such as: Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, Fibromyalgia, Gastroparesis, POTS, dysphasia, MCAD, and Eosinophilic Colitis+ more undiagnosed. It’s as if you can’t have one autoimmune/ autonomic disorder without developing the other.
Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, also known as and abbreviated to ME, is a condition which causes central sensitisation. In short, CS is an ongoing process in my poorly functioning body. It is known as the evolutionary ‘cycle of never ending pain’ which occurs in the CNS- it’s almost impossible to break and difficult to control. When central sensitization occurs, the nervous system goes through a process called “wind-up” and gets regulated in a persistent state of high reactivity; sending real (but false) painful messages and activity to the brain, which then causes the automatic reaction of intense widespread pain without a physical stimuli (such as stubbing a toe.) CS isn’t just associated with pain, but touch (hyperesthesia) , smells (hyperosmia) , light (photosensitivity) and noise (hyperacusis). 
ME also causes symptoms such as headaches, muscle pain, muscle weakness, paralysis, heavy limbs, never-ending flu like symptoms, swollen/painful joints and relentless exhaustion known as chronic fatigue. 
Fibromyalgia is similar to ME, but it has slightly different symptomatic characteristics. Fibro’ is known to be more of a ‘nerve pain endurance syndrome’ because patients endure so much nerve related pain- which is often described as hot toxic liquid injected into the arteries and veins because many suffer with intense hot burning sensations branching out across their entire body, along with voodoo doll like symptoms (stabbing, slicing, jolting, pinching) as well as many flare up trigger points throughout the body, plus burning, tingling and numbness.
Gastroparesis is a condition which causes the stomach to paralyse, and in severe cases paralysis of the entire GI tract- from the oesophagus to the anus. In my case my stomach and food pipe is fully paralysed; my stomach will not absorb or tolerate any food or feeding formula even if I could swallow. My intestine/bowel is partially paralysed which delays gastric emptying (opening my bowels). I’m tube fed via my jejunum (small bowel) with an elemental formula which is already broken down so my body doesn’t have to battle hard to digest or absorb it; it provides me with all the nutrients I need to stay alive. I also have medications via my Jejunostomy to take the edge off my entire body pain, to prevent seizures, heart attacks and POTS episodes. Gastroparesis causes reflux, nausea, vomiting (I use my Gastrostomy tube to drain my bile), malabsorption, malnutrition, weight loss, hair loss, loss of appetite, constipation and excruciating stomach pains/ bowel cramps. 
POTS- short for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, is a cardiovascular neurological disorder which can be dangerous left undetected or untreated. POTS affects the autonomic nervous system and causes symptoms such as: chest pain, palpitations, fainting, dangerously high heart rates + very low blood pressure on standing, but in severe cases led down or sitting up. It also effects the endocrine, lymphatic, respiratory, and urinary systems which are systems that are out of the individuals control. For example, someone may not have control over their bladder or bowels, oxygen levels may drop, hormones may change and the body may be lacking vital vitamins such as iron, potassium and magnesium. POTS links with Gastroparesis, and hypersensitivity/ MCAD/Mast Cell reactions/ high histamine release in the body causing an anaphylactic type response.
Eosinophilic Colitis- EC a form of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) Is the rarest of them all. Only 12 people in the UK have developed it. It’s different to the commonly known ulcerative colitis because inflammatory markers are not just shown. In EC Eosinophilia is found in the blood and many Eosinophils are found in the colon. Layers of Eosinophilia cells build up in the bowel forming a thin white coating, areas of break through erosion, severe but un balanced inflammation, blood, patches of ulcerations, clusters of puss, and floppy scare tissue. Eosinophilic colitis needs to be treated with strong courses of IV steroids and oral steroids until it has calmed down or in remission. 
Lastly, dysphagia. Dysphasia is difficulty to swallow E.g. Food, liquid or in my case saliva. This condition is common in those with Gastroparesis, delayed gastric emptying and other Gastrointestinal diseases,
Every inch of my body hurts so bad everyday. My stomach is cracks and pops- it’s my natural alarm clock meaning “drain that bile now before you explode with vomit and scream for hours on end because it’s built up too much”. I’m swollen all over, my nerve endings are as hyperactive as someone persistently being tasered by the police, It feels as if I have barbed wire wrapped around my muscles; it’s tangled, every move I make it embeds deeper into my lifeless limbs. It’s a tearing sensation, an intense throb all over and I’m being repeatedly hit and stabbed and splashed with boiled water which keeps me awake. I’m shivering from multiple seizures, my lips are blue and I’ve gone a translucent grey colour. I feel as if I’ve been left out in the pouring rain with nowhere to go. I can’t hide. I’m a prisoner of my own body. There’s no effective treatment. There’s no cure. I can’t escape from this! 

There’s no antidote for vaccine damage-it can’t be reversed or prevented…but there’s many techniques and methods to accept and cope with the crazy life it causes. 
Do you have a rare disease? Whatever it may be, never be afraid to tell your story. 

Chloe’s Chronicals Of Chronic Illness-My HPV Vaccine Injuy

Hello everyone! For those who do not know me, I’m an 18 year old girl who has a bundle of debilitating chronic conditions after being injured by the HPV vaccine. October 2016 I died and came back to life due to the severity of my damaged ANS-I was resuscitated and put on life support until my internal organs recovered and until I could breathe without a ventilator. 
The onset of symptoms noticeably came after my second out of three injections.
Before I got sick I did many things girls age 12 should do. I hiked, mountain biked, went to the park, rollerbladed to the shops, had social gatherings, went to the cinema, birthday parties, I had friends.
I was a dancer. And I think that speaks for itself. I had an artistic, busy and athletic lifestyle. I danced 6 days a week; at at the studio, at school and I also stretched and worked on technique religiously at home. I loved to goto after-school sport and dance clubs every night. I loved the fact that I had a regime and something to look forward to every day. I was on the right road to getting A’s at GCSE.I lived life to the max, life has always been important to me, more so now I’m isolated from the real world. I danced to feel free, in control and to have the time of my life. I used my body to create a piece of art. I made memories which I now use as a coping mechanism and a tool to guide me and help me deal with a life full of disappointment, hardship, illness and pain. 
I wanted to have a dance career; my heart bleeds with the torture knowing I may never walk again, let alone dance again. 
I love art and fashion so I went into fashion design but my conditions took a downward spiral, I didn’t even get a quarter way through the course. 
Everyday is a battle against the never ending symptoms-against pain, random and exhausting fits, mast cell reactions, the agony when meds, feed and water is pushed down my tube. Then there’s the war with the invisible aspects people don’t see: the nausea, migraines, vision problems, light and noise sensitivity, the multiple injection wounds from injecting daily to reduce blood clots. You don’t see the paralysed stomach or delayed motility of my GI tract, the raw inflammation and ulceration in my colon, the over active nerve endings, blocked signals in my brain and spinal cord, and of course the intense chronic pain that you don’t always see in public because of the ‘stay brave and cry later face’. It’s all hidden until you tell the world your story.
The adverse reaction to the vaccine and the conditions I have developed over the years has had a huge impact on my life. Now my life is complicated, and that’s not because I’m in a complex relationship like others my age. But because my future is uncertain. Tomorrow is another day but I never know what tomorrow or even the next hour will bring; I can’t predict the future and I can’t plan ahead. I don’t know if I’ll be able to have kids as I know many 18 year olds who are infertile thanks to Cervarix or Gardasil.
I may have a broken body which persistently disobeys me, however I am lucky enough to be a mentally strong individual who’s managed to build up her own coping mechanisms and psychological techniques despite negligence and terrible past experiences. Despite hardship I find happiness. Despite pain I find inner peace. Mindfulness may help others in my situation, and yes it will keep the demons of depression and anxious thoughts away. However, no amount of mindfulness and positivity will change the immense pain I endure and magic the mobility and loss of sensation back into my once healthy, sporty, dancing body of mine.
I guarantee my future won’t be how I planned it, but it will be full of determination and dedication to continue raising much needed awareness. 
“A successful person is a person that can build a firm foundation with the bricks that life has thrown at them”~Chloe✨

It’s Okay NOT To Be Okay.

Hey you, yes YOU! Are you sick of being sick. Or tired of being tired? Me too! It’s a totally normal reaction to feeling basically alien compared to ‘normal’ physical or mentally healthy earthlings. Crying, anger, negativity and frustration isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of staying strong for way too long. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself. It’s okay to feel as if you’re unable to carry on caring on- our lives are beyond tough, but you are so much tougher! “It’s okay not to be okay” as Jessie J says, but it’s not okay to not have an off day. Grieving over your old life, or grieving in general..believe it or not, it does you good! It’s also common (and expected when you have to live a life battling against your body, mind or both!) Whether it’s mental or physical, without an occasional off day we would never learn what a good day is. We’d never know the difference between happiness and sadness. Most importantly we’d never know how to deal with our emotions, especially individually.. We’d never know what makes us happy on a sad day and we’d never come across or explore self expression, self care and self love. The 3 S’s are imperative in our life in order to survive a terrible day. With the right tools we can turn anything horrible and bad into something good or great! You can do this💪🏼 love, care and express yourself and happiness won’t be far away✨
Yesterday’s example:*takes selfie* 

I look kinda good today, if it weren’t for tubes no body would realise I was really sick. I feel kinda great today-I’m full of confidence, I feel pretty and despite being in agony I am content with my body and how it looks. 
In all honesty yesterday afternoon I look absolutely well and truly awful; the tables have turned. I’m beyond exhausted, running on empty. I didn’t go back to sleep this morning after my meds like I’d usually do. I’d sleep in til 1:30pm have my meds chill a bit and sleep again. I’m usually ‘awake’ by 4-5pm. 
Every inch of my body hurts so bad (as it does everyday) my stomach is cracking and popping- it’s my natural alarm clock meaning “drain that bile now before you explode with vomit and scream for hours on end because it’s built up too much”, I’m swollen all over, my nerve endings are as hyperactive as someone persistently being tasered by the police, It feels as if I have barbed wire wrapped around my muscles; it’s tangled, every move I make it embeds deeper into my lifeless limbs. It’s a tearing sensation, an intense throb all over and I’m being repeatedly hit and stabbed. I’m shivering from multiple seizures, my lips are blue and I’ve gone a translucent grey colour. I feel as if I’ve been left out in the pouring rain with nowhere to go. I can’t escape from this. I can’t hide. I’m imprisoned in my own body. 
Nevertheless, (as stated above) there’s always something good and great to compensate the horrible and bad in every day. 
My ‘good’ was looking brighter yesterday morning, and my ‘great’ is feeling body confident=chronically stylish💁🏼all day thanks to my mum helping me get changed into my lush sequin crushed velvet cold shoulder top! (I put the matching bottoms on two days ago, I have fashion ocd-I had to match!!) 
What’s your good and great? What made you happy today? (even if it was a terrible day..) comment below to find your hidden happy😌✨
Top Tip-Try writing 3 things your grateful/happy/thankful for, for 21 days. Your mindset, situation or mental health diagnosis may change for the better due to consistency and repetition. 
It’s worth a try🙌🏼